What Does It Mean to Feel Regulated?
We hear the phrase “feeling regulated” all the time in the wellness and mental health world. But what does it actually mean? And more importantly, how do you know if you are regulated - or if your nervous system is asking for support?
Feeling regulated isn’t about being calm every moment of every day. It’s about your body and mind having enough steadiness to handle whatever comes, without feeling constantly overwhelmed, shut down, or on edge.
For a long time, I didn’t even realise I was dysregulated. I thought being constantly on guard, always busy, and never quite able to rest was just “normal.” If I stopped, I felt guilty. If I slowed down, I felt restless. I remember evenings where I would finally put my phone down, sit on the sofa, and instead of relaxing I would feel a wave of unease. My body didn’t know how to switch off.
The truth is, I was living in survival mode. My nervous system had learned to stay on high alert, even when there was no immediate danger. I didn’t realise that my constant overthinking, my difficulty sleeping, and even the way small stressors felt huge were all signs that my system was dysregulated.
One day, after yet another restless night, I remember sitting with my journal and writing: “What would it feel like if I was calm? What would it mean to feel safe in my own body?” That was the start of a shift for me.
What I’ve learned
What I’ve since learned is that regulation isn’t a destination. It’s not about never feeling anxious or stressed again. It’s about your nervous system being flexible enough to move through life’s ups and downs without getting stuck.
When you’re regulated:
You can pause before reacting.
You can feel emotions without being swept away by them.
You feel present in your body rather than disconnected.
You recover more quickly after stress.
When you’re dysregulated, you might find yourself:
Overthinking and spiralling into “what ifs.”
Snapping or shutting down when triggered.
Feeling restless, anxious, or on edge.
Struggling to concentrate or rest.
I realised that my constant push to “do more” was actually me trying to soothe my nervous system in the only way I knew how. But it never worked - because what I really needed was rest, grounding, and reassurance.
How to Support Regulation
Here are some gentle, practical ways I’ve found helpful for coming back into regulation:
1. Start with Awareness
Simply noticing, “I feel dysregulated right now,” can be powerful. Naming it creates distance. Instead of “I am anxious,” it becomes, “I am noticing anxiety in my body.” That small shift helps you respond instead of react.
2. Use the Body First
Regulation happens through the body, not just the mind.
Try grounding techniques like pressing your feet firmly to the floor.
Use breathwork such as box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4).
Place your hand on your chest and take slow, intentional breaths.
3. Create Small Rituals
Big changes aren’t always realistic, but small daily rituals build steadiness. My morning flow has been a game changer - just ten minutes of breathwork, EFT, or meditation shifts my whole day. It gives my nervous system a message of safety before the busyness begins.
4. Build Regulation Through Rest and Joy
Regulation isn’t only about calming down in stressful moments. It’s also about filling yourself up with things that bring safety and joy. Evening walks, journaling, creative play, or simply enjoying a cup of tea without distraction can all support your system.
5. Affirmations and Self-Compassion
The way we speak to ourselves matters. Gentle affirmations like, “I am safe in this moment” or “It’s okay for me to rest” can reparent your nervous system with kindness.
So, what does it mean to feel regulated? For me, it’s not about perfect calm. It’s about feeling steady enough to handle life as it comes, and kind enough with myself to know that it’s okay to wobble sometimes.
It’s about creating small rituals that remind my nervous system: you are safe, you are held, and you don’t have to be on guard all the time.
My hope is that this post helps you reflect on what feeling regulated means for you - because it may look different for each of us.
If you’d like more gentle reflections, rituals, and prompts, I share them weekly in The Regulate Diaries newsletter. It’s a calm space where we explore nervous system care, small habits, and the reality of building balance in everyday life.
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Thank you for being here,
With love, Lauren x